William Shakespeare once wrote about overthrowing the government.

In “Henry VI” he has a character – a butcher – remark that the first step in any successful revolution is to kill all the lawyers.

Lest people start thinking that I actually read “Henry VI” or even knew that was the name of one of Bill’s published works, let me disabuse you of that notion right now. I did not.

I don’t cite an exact quote for the same reason I never read the play.  You can’t.  Shakespeare’s works are like Nostradomus’ prophecies.  You read the line, pretend to try to decipher it, then look at the teacher and wait for her to explain what it means. Then you smile big like it suddenly makes sense so that she doesn’t make you repeat it in your own words.

Anyway, I think I see where he was going with this. Lawyers gain power when people argue, not by actually resolving anything. If you try to make a broad and sweeping change, they will find a way to tie it up in court until everybody but them is broke. So, yeah. I’m down with that.

I’m pretty sure I speak for everyone when I say, “Step one. Dust the lawyers. Check”

But, what is Step Two? I mean, there we are, surrounded by fallen lawyers. How do we rebuild society and have Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards our fellow man?

Pencils up!…we can’t.  And, the reason we can’t is because we are hostile toward strangers – especially friendly ones. You just KNOW those bastards are up to no good. And the reason for this is…people who work at kiosks. They have to go next.

Because of them we dart through malls with our eyes down (because, admit it, we all dread  making eye contact with them) zigging and zagging when they have locked in on us. They are aggressive and not bound by the traditional borders of the conventional storefronts on which the country was built.

If they sense weakness, they will abandon their post and give chase, shouting greetings and making us quickly learn to avoid engaging in even the most mundane of interpersonal pleasantries. Because we know that if we let them button hole us, then it is we who have to become the rude jerk who won’t take a moment to speak to someone who is being friendly. We can’t handle being the bad guy in our own story.

These folks are everywhere in Vegas – hotel lobbies, street corners, middle of the sidewalk, any area of high traffic and they want a moment of your time so they can “give” you amazing opportunities that seem way too good to be true. They are.

Except the middle of the sidewalk guys – they just want to hand you a little card with pornography on it and have you keep moving. They don’t even speak English anyway.

I understand that these people are just doing their jobs. But, remember, so were lawyers and we did not hesitate to execute them on the spot.

So, because of these people, the rest of us are assholes. Except for me. And, Trixie. But even she has her moments.

There is hope for the rest of us. Hell, I met some of that hope last night in the form of Michelle Slack.

They’re both nuts. I don’t like what standing between them makes me.

Somehow she and Trixie know each other because there is music that is piped across the planet that only crazy, party girls can hear and it is like a Siren Song that summons them to Las Vegas, NV – Bad Decisions Capital of the World.

I was comfortably ensconced in the blankets watching reruns of “King of Queens” Trixie was off, Pluto-knows-where, doing Hades-knows-what, but I am fairly sure it involved drinking whiskey and gambling, when I got a text telling me to report to one of the many bars in the lobby of the Luxor.

I did. I met the two Michelle’s – I want to say “kindred spirits” but that doesn’t have a devilish enough spin – how about, “kindred casino nymphs”? Meh. Close enough.

They sat side-by-side pounding shots, laughing and winning at video poker.

To my everlasting shame, I could not keep up with these two. And, finally, at about 3 am (or, a week from next Tuesday with the time change) I made my way back to the room.

It was a night of fun and frolic. Lifelong friends were made. And, it showed me that there are people left that make this world worth saving by killing the lawyers and kiosk people.